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Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity, by Andrew Solomon
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From the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression comes a monumental new work, a decade in the writing, about family. In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so.
Solomon’s startling proposition is that diversity is what unites us all. He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, as are the triumphs of love Solomon documents in every chapter.
All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on forty thousand pages of interview transcripts with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges. Whether considering prenatal screening for genetic disorders, cochlear implants for the deaf, or gender reassignment surgery for transgender people, Solomon narrates a universal struggle toward compassion. Many families grow closer through caring for a challenging child; most discover supportive communities of others similarly affected; some are inspired to become advocates and activists, celebrating the very conditions they once feared. Woven into their courageous and affirming stories is Solomon’s journey to accepting his own identity, which culminated in his midlife decision, influenced by this research, to become a parent.
Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original thinker, Far from the Tree explores themes of generosity, acceptance, and tolerance—all rooted in the insight that love can transcend every prejudice. This crucial and revelatory book expands our definition of what it is to be human.
- Sales Rank: #36374 in eBooks
- Published on: 2012-11-13
- Released on: 2012-11-13
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
291 of 304 people found the following review helpful.
Thoughtful and well-researched
By Greenbyoo
Far From the Tree is a TOME. I mean, it's a great big, heavy book in every sense of the word. To be honest, I was a little intimidated when my copy arrived! I didn't read it cover to cover, but started with the autism chapter because it was relevant to our family. I found it to be a very well-researched, sensitive look at how autism can affect a parent's life, hopes, and perceptions.
That chapter was so good, I moved to the crime chapter and stayed up way too late because I could not put it down. Thank you, Mr. Solomon for pointing out the absurdities in our justice system when it comes to dealing with juvenile crime. (And as for the reviewer who questioned including crime at all, this book focuses on any possible way that a child can turn out different than their parents expected, and being guilty of a crime definitely seems appropriate to me.) I learned a lot from this chapter, and was particularly fascinated by the Klebolds' story. Once again, Soloman wrote with sensitivity about a very difficult and controversial topic.
From there I read the chapter on dwarfism, and then finally turned to the first pages of the book and started reading the beginning! I wanted to learn about how families deal with a diagnosis of autism; instead I learned about how families deal with all kinds of unexpected outcomes, how resilient parents can be when faced with hardships, and how connected are the identities of parents and their children. As a parent, I understand the constant struggle to balance who we want our children to be and who they actually are. "There is no such thing as reproduction" may be my new mantra.
One more thing: in 700 pages (okay, I admit, I didn't read the Acknowledgments) I never found an example of "martyrdom" that one reviewer complained about. The book relates honest responses from parents in the trenches. Parenting isn't always fun, even for parents of kids who have no extra challenges. But Far From the Tree isn't a chronicle of long-suffering devastated parents; there are plenty of positive, hopeful, make-the-best-of-it moments as well.
It's a fascinating book for anyone interested in parenting, psychology, or the history of disability. Highly recommended.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Will resonate through your lifetime
By kestrel
A book he was born to write. This is a 900 page book, 700 of which are reading pages, the rest notes and index.
It is a rational and helpful thesis and there is research quoted. But most of the book is based upon very thorough and careful interviews which lead you to wonder about the depths of the mystery of being human and of consciousness, and about the depths of compassion that "ordinary" people develop when they have an "extraordinary" challenge. Yoga teachers are often saying, "Open your heart." Well, this book does.
Andrew Solomon is an excellent writer. Even with medical and forensic research information being shared, he is very clear. It is not always easy to read, emotionally or intellectually. Lots of concentration is required BUT that said, it is like going to grad school for pleasure....the deep pleasure of learning and thinking because you want to.
Even if our own challenges from our "vertical" family are just the average ones, the ability to perceive and validate "horizontal" identity in others is an important insight we all can work with....even with 'temporary' ones like "teenager.'
Every physician, every educator should "have to" read it. May it become an undergraduate classic. May many many people read it now out of interest and in the interest of awareness, of their neighbors challenges. If we are more open to understanding in these ways, we won't have so much to fear (and shun). This book deserves all its awards but more importantly it deserves to be widely read, and for a long time. May it be translated into many languages, so we all have another shared language to explore answers to the fundamental an important questions extraordinary people bring to the lives of families and communities.
Thank you Mr. Solomon, for your good work.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
So you think you already know?
By Dave Shumway
Probably one of the most substantial and provocative books I have ever read! It's about people who have begotten "different" children and what those children are like. More importantly, it discusses at length what haveing those children does to the parents, sibs, economics, extended family and society in general. Slow read as I found myself haveing to put the book down and think about what I had just read. This author is always brilliant. Would strongly suggest his whole body of work.
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